This entry will focus on grouping the lessons at the end of each chapter

Chapter 2

The language of negotiation is primarily a language of conversation and rapport. A way of quickly establishing relationships and getting people to talk and think together.

  • Voice intonation
  • Mirroring

Key lessons

  • A good negotiator prepares going in to be ready for possible surprises, a great negotiator, aims to use her skills to reveal the surprises she is certain to find.
  • Don’t commit to assumptions, instead view them as hypothesis and use the negotiation to test them rigorously.
  • Negotiation is not an act of battle, it’s a process of discovery
  • Slow it down! going too fast is a common mistake.
  • Put a smile on your face, people are more likely to collaborate in problem solving
  • Mirror: we fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar.

Chapter 3

Labeling and pause

Key lessons

  • Human connection is the first goal
  • Creating an empathetic relationship and encouraging your counterpart to expand on their situation, is the basis of healthy human interaction.
  • The reasons why a counterpart will not make an agreement with you are often more powerful than why they will make a deal. So focus first on clearing the barriers to agreement
  • Pause, after you label a barrier, or mirror a statement, let it sink in, don’t worry, the other party will fill the silence.
  • Label your counterpart’s fears to defuse their power.

Chapter 4

Beware yes, master no

Key lessons

  • Being pushed for yes, makes people defensive.
  • No is not a failure, it often just means ‘/wait/‘ or ‘/I’m not comfortable with that/‘. It is not the end of the negotiation, but the beginning.
  • Yes is the final goal of a negotiation, but don’t aim for it at the start. Asking someone for yes too quickly in a conversation, gets his guard up and paints you like an untrustworthy salesman.
  • Saying no makes the speaker feel safe, secure and in control, so trigger it. By saying what they don’t want, your counterpart define their space and gains the confidence and comfort to listen to you.
  • Intentionally mislabel an emotion or desire to trigger a no if you’re not being listened to.
  • Persuasion is not about how bright or smooth or forceful you are, it’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want, is their own idea.

Chapter 5

Trigger the two words that immediately transform any negotiation: That’s right

Key lessons

  • Use a summary to trigger a /that’s right/, the building blocks of a good summary, are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, re-articulate and emotionally affirm the world according to _.

Chapter 6

Bend their reality, salary negotiation tips

Key lessons

  • Don’t compromise, meeting half-way, often leads to bad deals for both sides.
  • If counterpart complains about /fairness/. Ask them to explain how you are mistreating them.
  • Set extreme anchors to bend reality.
  • Use ranges to seem less aggressive.

Chapter 7

Create the illusion of control

Key lessons

  • The listener can direct the conversation towards his own goal.
  • Don’t try to force your opponent to admit that you’re right. Aggressive confrontation is the enemy of constructing negotiation
  • Avoid questions that can be answered with /yes/ or little pieces of information. These require little thought, and inspire the human need of reciprocity.
  • Ask calibrated questions that start with the words /how/ or /what/. This will give your counterpart an illusion of control, and will inspire them to speak at length, revealing important information.
  • Don’t ask questions that start with /why/ unless you want your counterpart to defend the goal that serves you. /Why/ is always an accusation in any language.
  • Calibrate your question to point you counterpart towards solving your problem.

Chapter 8

Guarantee execution

Key lessons

  • /Yes/ is nothing without /how/. Asking /how/, knowing /how/ and defining /how/ are all part of the effective negotiator’s arsenal.
  • Ask calibrated /how/ questions, and ask them again and again. Asking /how/ keep your counterpart engaged but off-balance. It gives them the illusion of control, it will also lead them to contemplate your problems when making their demands.
  • Rule of three, use calibrated questions, summaries and labels, to get your counterpart to reaffirm their agreement at least three times.

Chapter 9

Bargain hard

Key lessons

  • 65, 85, 95, 100%. Decreasing raises, and ending on non-round numbers, will get your counterpart to believe that he’s squeezing you for all your worth, when you’re really getting to the number you want.

Chapter 10

Find the black swan

Key lessons

  • The adversary is the situation and your counterpart is your partner.
  • What we don’t know, can kill us or our deals. But uncovering them, can bring us unexpected success.
  • Your counterpart might not even know how important the information is, or even that they shouldn’t reveal it. So keep pushing, probing and gathering information.
  • Let what you know, guide you, but not blind you. Every case is new so remain flexible and adaptable.
  • Exploit the similarity principle (shared common ground).
  • Get face-time with your counterpart.